Reflections from the wilderness

There’s something about the “wilderness” that sounds daunting. It’s uncomfortable, vulnerable, negative. But time and time again, we see Scripture inviting us to reconsider, to read again.

This last month, the theme of wilderness has been on my mind and has shown itself repeatedly in various readings. As part of the core passage we read in Florida’s Staff Conference, we read Exodus 15:22-27, immediately after the Israelites cross the Red Sea and start their journey to the Promise Land. For 3 days, the nation walked in the wilderness with no signs of water and when they finally make it, the water is too bitter for drinking. Interesting how God chooses this wilderness experience as the first taste of “freedom” for a nation held in captivity for over 400 years. I can only imagine the stress of walking 3 days without water just to find a source of bitter water to drink from. Complaining seems like a natural response. Yet in this passage, we also see an invitation of dependency on God, of total dependency even of our basic needs.

The wilderness exposes. It exposes the hidden and ignored fears and temptations we hold. But it also teaches us and shows us God’s character.

Towards the beginning of July, Barbara (another staff for Temuco) and I prepared a virtual Pajama Party for students in Temuco. Although part of the aim was to have an evening of fun, we also hoped to create a safe space to share of the hardships this year had brought to us. As we prepared to read of Elijah’s wilderness experience, we asked students to share stories of times it was hard to hold on to hope. One student shared of a GBU retreat a few years ago which had to end abruptly due to nearby brush fires. Being one of the leaders in this retreat, he kept his head cool, helped his teammates evacuate, and prayed for many students while at the shelter. However, the next day he woke up to news that the brush fires were now targeting the location of their shelter. Panic overflooded him and the other leaders who had contained their emotions and given themselves for the well-being of others. Although God later prevented the fire from touching them or their belongings, at the time he felt hopeless.

Elijah must’ve felt similarly. There’s only so much running away a human can do, after awhile of being on “survival” mode, we give out. “I have had enough, Lord,” (Elijah) said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” What anguish we see in Elijah’s words and yet such honesty.

With Barbara we had planned our event weeks in advance, I knew we were going to read 1 Kings 19:1-18, but only God knew the things that would occur between that planning meeting and the Pajama Party. Just like Elijah, I had reacted in fear and was running, running nowhere. And I was done, just a couple of days before the event, I realized I was running on adrenaline and couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to give up, shut down Zoom and turn off my phone, crawl in bed and sleep.

It was right then and there, that I understood Elijah in a way like I had never understood him before. Because I too had had enough. The day before I had woken up with little energy for all the things planned that day. After a particularly difficult night, I had lost my appetite. But my sister, with her persistent and caring personality, became in that moment my angel and made sure I ate a yogurt.

Reading 1 Kings with students that evening brought all these experiences into perspective. As I shared a little of my situation with the students, students started sharing of similar experiences of loneliness and tiredness. Like Elijah, God was reminding me I wasn’t alone.  

Interestingly enough, after Moses fixes the bitter water situation, God issues a ruling and command to his people: “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.” Why did God want them to know him as a healer? What relation did this have with bitter water? Although we don’t know for sure, we do know that this was the nation’s first experience in freedom. For 400 years, they had lived under oppression and slavery. Egypt had been a bitter experience.

In his invitation to trusting him, I also find an invitation of healing my past experiences. God sees me, he sees the things I’ve gone through, he knows where I am headed, and he invites me to trust. To trust that he will take me there and that he will heal my wounds and past. It’s not easy and it’s not fun. But then I am reminded that he too has gone through the wilderness and is with me even here.

I continue to wrestle with this, and continue walking, remembering that the same God who used the wilderness to show himself as a healer then brought his people to Elim, an oasis with 12 springs and 70 palm trees. The journey in this pilgrimage goes through both, seasons of wilderness and seasons of oasis.

So take all that is good

And all that it could be

And rest your head and fall asleep

And fall asleep

Hope of Spring within

That cold could never win

The hope of life in paradise

Life in paradise

Well there'd be seasons of growing

And seasons of renewing in my soul

So shake the leaves of red and yellow

And trust the life that follows me

 

-Seasons to Seasons by Philip Shibata