Fall Time

One of the downsides of living in a tropical climate is missing the change of seasons. It’s been a gift this past week to take a family road trip up north and enjoy cooler weather and colorful leaves. There have been warm days and then some cold ones. The trees are still in that strange transition from green to yellow and red. And although the changing of colors is a beautiful sight, they’re a reminder of the death that it brings. Slowly these trees will soon be out of leaves and bracing themselves from the winter cold.

Currently it’s springtime in Chile. After a cold and humid winter, the sight of blooming flowers and bright colors are painting the landscape. Life has begun. How beautiful to be in this in-between, between death and life, the end and the start. I guess that’s the beauty of the seasons, there’s a transition and a hope of the future that makes the present worthwhile enjoying.

The last time my family and I were able to enjoy fall up north was when I was just starting high school. It was a difficult time for me, along with the change in school came a quest for identity and independence. Both my parents are immigrants, and, in some sense, I was the guinea pig, trying out and learning about the educational system in the US. I had this picture in my mind of what it meant to be a high schooler which had been molded from what I saw in movies and shows, and it didn’t mix with the values and culture back home. That family trip to South Carolina was key in reaffirming my identity and my faith.

As I watch the wind ruffle and carry leaves from these trees, I think of that season in my life. It’s been 10 years since that last trip and a lot has happened. Although there’s still so much to learn and grow in, it’s reassuring to know that there has been growth. I’m so beyond perfect, but in battling with my perfectionism, it’s a silent reminder that just like the trees, you don’t see the visual manifestations of their growth day-by-day but by the years.

I’m reminded of the interactive art display on the “Camino Biblico” of the IFES World Assembly 2015. After a particularly difficult time in spaces of leadership and friendships, I cried at the cold and deadly display of winter seen in the exhibit and read the questions posed by the artist. We were later led in a moment of reflection, to recognize the pain and the loneliness of winter and then, invited to continue walking. I still remember that final room, it was so overwhelming. Flowers dangled from the ceiling, green was everywhere, and the sweet fragrance coming from the bouquets filled the room. Springtime was coming.

Just like the leaves found in these northern states, many aspects of my life are changing colors and are falling. I continue to be challenged in my identity, as a daughter of God, as a big sister at home, as a staff in Chile. And although some days seem like I take one step forward to go back two, God remains faithful and my growth is tied to his will. The expectations I had of myself, of my work, of others have had to die. But even in this slow transition of death, life continues to happen, and the hope of spring makes these orange, red, and yellows, something truly significant and beautiful to take in.

May the changing of seasons be a reminder that even in our ever-changing world, our God is constant.